'She asked me if I would pick her daughter up every Friday and babysit until 8 p.m.': Mom shuts down ex-husband and his mistress after they demand free childcare for his affair partner’s kid

Author image for Isabella Penn
Isabella Penn
Dec 15, 2025 7:00 PM EST

In complex modern family structures, boundaries can be difficult to define, especially when infidelity has played a central role in their creation. One woman described such a situation after her ex-husband, who engaged in a two-year affair during their marriage, asked her to begin babysitting his partner's child every Friday. 

The request came not from him directly, but from the woman with whom he had the affair.

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  • According to the account, the two women do not have a relationship beyond necessary interactions at shared events for the children. The mom noted that she has maintained clear limits since the divorce, communicating only with her former husband about their own children and avoiding any attempts by his partner to create a blended or collaborative dynamic.

    When approached about providing regular childcare for the other woman’s daughter, she declined, pointing to the history of the affair and expressing that she did not feel obligated to take on the responsibility. Her ex-husband and his partner objected, accusing her of pettiness, while she argued that her answer was simply a boundary — and one she felt entitled to hold.

    The story has sparked discussion about emotional labor, co-parenting expectations, and the extent to which past harm shapes present obligations. Read more below. 

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    Samzieenie https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1pkoaey/aitah_for_asking_my_exs_affair_partner_if_she/
    via Andrej Lišakov For Unsplash+

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.


     

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    "AITAH for asking my ex's affair partner if she knew he was married to me when they started their affair and then using that to answer why I won't help her out by babysitting her kid?"

    Samzieenie https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1pkoaey/aitah_for_asking_my_exs_affair_partner_if_she/ - My ex-husband (34m) cheated on me (32f) with Anna (34f) for close to two years. I found out about the affair because our finances were no longer adding up.
    via Samzieenie
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    Samzieenie https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1pkoaey/aitah_for_asking_my_exs_affair_partner_if_she/ - After looking into it I found out he was buying stuff for Anna and for her daughter, who was 6 at the time.
    via Samzieenie
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    Samzieenie https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1pkoaey/aitah_for_asking_my_exs_affair_partner_if_she/ - Apparently she was on the verge of leaving him because she was tired of how things were going and he was buying things to keep her sweet.
    via Samzieenie
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    Samzieenie https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1pkoaey/aitah_for_asking_my_exs_affair_partner_if_she/ - He tried to justify all of this to me when I told him I was filing for divorce by saying he gave Anna so little time because he was devoted to me and our two kids and some money to keep everyone happy wasn't a bad thing.
    via Samzieenie
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    Samzieenie https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1pkoaey/aitah_for_asking_my_exs_affair_partner_if_she/ - When he accepted I wasn't staying with him he moved in with Anna and her daughter.
    via Samzieenie
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    Samzieenie https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1pkoaey/aitah_for_asking_my_exs_affair_partner_if_she/ - I communicated directly with my ex and only via email or text and only about our children.
    via Samzieenie
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    Samzieenie https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1pkoaey/aitah_for_asking_my_exs_affair_partner_if_she/ - There is no close co- parenting relationship, there's no we can all be friends. My ex and Anna are not my friends, they are not my family and I dislike both of them.
    via Samzieenie
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    Samzieenie https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1pkoaey/aitah_for_asking_my_exs_affair_partner_if_she/ - Anna reached out a few times and said we should be supporting each other and working as a family of three parents.
    via Samzieenie
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    Samzieenie https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1pkoaey/aitah_for_asking_my_exs_affair_partner_if_she/ - I ignored her if she was texting/emailing this and in person I told her one time that we will never be friends or family and I did not want her brushing what she and my ex did under the rug and expecting me to be okay with it.
    via Samzieenie
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    Samzieenie https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1pkoaey/aitah_for_asking_my_exs_affair_partner_if_she/ - She did try after that but I simply ignore her. A couple of weeks ago Anna approached me at a school function for my two kids (her daughter goes to a different school) and she told me her sitter is no longer able to babysit her daughter after school.
    via Samzieenie
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    ))
    via Andrej Lišakov For Unsplash+

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.


     

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    Samzieenie https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1pkoaey/aitah_for_asking_my_exs_affair_partner_if_she/ - She asked me if I would pick her daughter up every Friday and babysit until 8pm.
    via Samzieenie
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    Samzieenie https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1pkoaey/aitah_for_asking_my_exs_affair_partner_if_she/ - I already do this for my two children but they don't get picked up until 5pm on Friday's because they have activities after school.
    via Samzieenie
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    Samzieenie https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1pkoaey/aitah_for_asking_my_exs_affair_partner_if_she/ - Anna's daughter was always with a sitter. She told me I might not want to be her friend but I should be willing to help her out because of the kids.
    via Samzieenie
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    Samzieenie https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1pkoaey/aitah_for_asking_my_exs_affair_partner_if_she/ - I asked her if she was aware my ex was married when they started having their affair, if she was aware he was married with kids when she started sleeping with him.
    via Samzieenie
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    Samzieenie https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1pkoaey/aitah_for_asking_my_exs_affair_partner_if_she/ - At first she refused to answer and I waited for her to say something. She admitted she knew he was married with kids.
    via Samzieenie
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    Samzieenie https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1pkoaey/aitah_for_asking_my_exs_affair_partner_if_she/ - Then I told her I would give her the same consideration she gave me and my kids who she was trying to use as leverage in this.
    via Samzieenie
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    Samzieenie https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1pkoaey/aitah_for_asking_my_exs_affair_partner_if_she/ - I told her I would not babysit and she had no right to use my kids as a reason why I should help her.
    via Samzieenie
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    Samzieenie https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1pkoaey/aitah_for_asking_my_exs_affair_partner_if_she/ - I reminded her that she gladly slept with their father while he was still married to me and even though he shared a majority of the responsibility, she helped destroy their family and therefore she had no right to expect me to help or to use my children as some sort of bargaining chip when she didn't give a fuck about any of us when she screwed a married man.
    via Samzieenie
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    Samzieenie https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1pkoaey/aitah_for_asking_my_exs_affair_partner_if_she/ - She started to say something else but I moved on and I went to my children (who weren't able to see or hear us during this discussion) and I refused to be caught alone by her again.
    via Samzieenie
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    Samzieenie https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1pkoaey/aitah_for_asking_my_exs_affair_partner_if_she/ - She texted me after the function and told me I wasn't being very kind to her daughter but I ignored this.
    via Samzieenie
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    Samzieenie https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1pkoaey/aitah_for_asking_my_exs_affair_partner_if_she/ - Then she told me it wasn't okay for me to quit her just to throw the answer back in her face and I need to get over the cheating.
    via Samzieenie
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    Samzieenie https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1pkoaey/aitah_for_asking_my_exs_affair_partner_if_she/ - My ex emailed asking why I couldn't watch all three kids on Friday's if I'm already keeping our two.
    via Samzieenie
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    Samzieenie https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1pkoaey/aitah_for_asking_my_exs_affair_partner_if_she/ - I told him I gave my answer to Anna already and I would not be clarifying further.
    via Samzieenie
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    Samzieenie https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1pkoaey/aitah_for_asking_my_exs_affair_partner_if_she/ - He texted me that I was being petty and Anna's daughter doesn't deserve punishment for her mom.
    via Samzieenie
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    Samzieenie https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1pkoaey/aitah_for_asking_my_exs_affair_partner_if_she/ - Then he also brought up the question I asked and the way I used it against Anna and he said it wasn't fair.
    via Samzieenie
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    Samzieenie https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1pkoaey/aitah_for_asking_my_exs_affair_partner_if_she/ - My oldest gave me a heads up when my kids got back from my ex's last week that their dad and Anna are pretty pissed at me.
    via Samzieenie
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    Samzieenie https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1pkoaey/aitah_for_asking_my_exs_affair_partner_if_she/ - The kids weren't told anything directly but heard their dad and Anna talk about me. I informed my attorney about this and we have it documented.
    via Samzieenie
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    Samzieenie https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1pkoaey/aitah_for_asking_my_exs_affair_partner_if_she/ - I don't feel like I was wrong for saying no but maybe it's the dislike for my ex and Anna that makes me say this.
    via Samzieenie
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    Samzieenie https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1pkoaey/aitah_for_asking_my_exs_affair_partner_if_she/ - Maybe I did too much and could have simply said no and left it there. Or maybe I shouldn't be saying no at all?
    via Samzieenie
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    Samzieenie https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1pkoaey/aitah_for_asking_my_exs_affair_partner_if_she/ - АІТАН?
    via Samzieenie
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    Samzieenie https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1pkoaey/aitah_for_asking_my_exs_affair_partner_if_she/ - Agile-Wait-7571 You're not wrong. Avoid awful people to the extent you can.
    via Agile-Wait-7571
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    Samzieenie https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1pkoaey/aitah_for_asking_my_exs_affair_partner_if_she/ - OP Samzieenie I avoid them to the best of my ability. For the kids we see each other sometimes but I try to keep it to a minimum.
    via Samzieenie
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    Samzieenie https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1pkoaey/aitah_for_asking_my_exs_affair_partner_if_she/ - Not_Dr3amy If it's one thing people have after they screw you over is the audacity, people who cross you always want you to be the one to get over what they did to you, and be the bigger person. Screw that, and make them stand on it, they wanted each other so bad, now they have each other, and need to figure out how to find a babysitter for her child. That's not your responsibility and the
    via Not_Dr3amy
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    Samzieenie https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1pkoaey/aitah_for_asking_my_exs_affair_partner_if_she/ - OP Samzieenie She had the balls to tell me we should be a three parent family supporting each other so it really doesn't surprise me that she had the balls for this. The only surprise for me is that she would feel okay with me taking care of her daughter when she knows how I feel about her and my ex. If that were me, not that it would ever be because I'm no affair partner, I would be very
    via Samzieenie
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    Samzieenie https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1pkoaey/aitah_for_asking_my_exs_affair_partner_if_she/ - Driftwood256 Get an official co-parenting app for communication... don't bother with text/email... Their audacity is mind boggling...
    via Driftwood256
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    Samzieenie https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1pkoaey/aitah_for_asking_my_exs_affair_partner_if_she/ - OP Samzieenie Our courts don't really favor the apps. They favor text and email.
    via Samzieenie
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    Samzieenie https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1pkoaey/aitah_for_asking_my_exs_affair_partner_if_she/ - JujutsuK00 I cant stand women who screw around with married men with kids. Both the man and woman are bottom tier humans. Disgusting
    via JujutsuK00
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    Samzieenie https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1pkoaey/aitah_for_asking_my_exs_affair_partner_if_she/ - OP Samzieenie The people who knowingly sleep with a married man or woman will never be innocent to me. When they justify it then they're even worse than not innocent. You might not know the person or have taken vows but you can't expect them to like you then and you definitely can't expect help or favors from them. Or sympathy when you get cheated on too.
    via Samzieenie
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    Samzieenie https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1pkoaey/aitah_for_asking_my_exs_affair_partner_if_she/ - Sassy-Peanut Your DH destroyed your marriage and abandoned you and your children for Anna and now expects you to step in and be their free babysitter. Then demands you 'get over' the cheating and be useful to them. That they are also criticising you for holding a grudge where your children can hear them makes them despicable. Not happening. One day Anna might find out that 'Once a cheater,
    via Sassy-Peanut
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    Samzieenie https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1pkoaey/aitah_for_asking_my_exs_affair_partner_if_she/ - OP Samzieenie It would make me laugh so hard. But on the other hand I can see her requesting contact between her daughter and my kids if that ever happens. My kids wouldn't want that and I'm not sure she would care. So Anna might be an extra annoying pest if that does happen.
    via Samzieenie
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    Samzieenie https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1pkoaey/aitah_for_asking_my_exs_affair_partner_if_she/ - anaisaknits That child is not your responsibility. Anna should have thought about her daughter before she got into the pants of a married man. She didn't give a damn about your kids so why would you care about hers? Your ex and Anna are both trashy people. You and your kids deserve better. Her lack of child care is her problem not yours. Get yourself a parenting app to communicate and just
    via anaisaknits
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    Samzieenie https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1pkoaey/aitah_for_asking_my_exs_affair_partner_if_she/ - OP Samzieenie Parenting apps are not really favored in our family court. They suggest email and text for high conflict situations because it's all written.
    via Samzieenie
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    Samzieenie https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1pkoaey/aitah_for_asking_my_exs_affair_partner_if_she/ - 13surgeries Why can't Anna's ex watch their daughter? If they're so intent on having a co-parenting threesome, they should contact him. For that matter, why can't your ex watch her? You are not in any way responsible for babysitting her child. Tell her she should spend her time looking for a new sitter or a new job instead of wasting it trying to shove her responsibility onto you.
    via 13surgeries
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    Samzieenie https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1pkoaey/aitah_for_asking_my_exs_affair_partner_if_she/ - OP Samzieenie Anna's ex is not in the picture to my knowledge. Although I had the same thought you had when she was trying to make us a co- parenting threesome and expecting something out of me. Then I wondered if she knows the father of her daughter. My ex works during the hours Anna wants me to babysit. Her regular sitter does Monday to Thursday still but Friday she can no longer do. Thi
    via Samzieenie
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    Samzieenie https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1pkoaey/aitah_for_asking_my_exs_affair_partner_if_she/ - tphatmcgee I can't imagine the mental gymnastics that they have to go through to somehow make it your problem to clean up their messes. her child has nothing to do with you. how do they think that you would succumb to the guilt tripping? watch out, next they will want you to take her on your vacations, help buy her a car, pay for her college......the mind is boggled.
    via tphatmcgee
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    Samzieenie https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1pkoaey/aitah_for_asking_my_exs_affair_partner_if_she/ - OP Samzieenie Her mistake was believing bringing up my children would make me agreeable. All it did was piss me off because how dare she speak about my kids best interest when she helped end their family.
    via Samzieenie
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    Samzieenie https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1pkoaey/aitah_for_asking_my_exs_affair_partner_if_she/ - Emotional_Fan_7011 NTA! Anna can gasp hire a new sitter! Crazy idea, right? Just because she wants to save some money now, you are in no way, shape, or form obligated to watch her child.
    via Emotional_Fan_7011
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    Samzieenie https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1pkoaey/aitah_for_asking_my_exs_affair_partner_if_she/ - OP Samzieenie Totally insane idea right there. I don't know why anyone would do this Imao.
    via Samzieenie
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    Samzieenie https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1pkoaey/aitah_for_asking_my_exs_affair_partner_if_she/ - Dachshundmom5 1) why isnt Anna blocked? 2) is it possible to keep all communication on a parenting app? 3) I'm confused how her daughter is being "punished"? I dont see you depriving her of anything or hitting her or calling her names. You are refusing to offer her mother free childcare, but that is not a punishment of the child. Thats a consequence of her mother's actions. 4) from here on
    via Dachshundmom5
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    Samzieenie https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1pkoaey/aitah_for_asking_my_exs_affair_partner_if_she/ - OP Samzieenie I can't block Anna. I need to keep communication open with her. Just like my ex would need to if I were to remarry. Our family courts do not really use parenting apps. They say to use text and email instead to keep all communication written. I can't really answer other than I think she believes I should want to spend time with her daughter. Where if I were in her shoes | woul
    via Samzieenie

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co-parenting family drama kids relationships parenting babysitting
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